Maybe it happened on a day you visited a friend or family member, or perhaps you sent them a text or called to see how they were doing. “I wish I’d never been born.” “I feel so hopeless, and I just want it to end.” These responses alarm you because of their underlying meaning—suicidal thoughts. An individual might feel helpless in this circumstance, but it is vital to communicate no matter how tough or awkward it might feel.
According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), suicide is the leading cause of death in the US, so much so that in 2020, 1.2 million people attempted suicide. The CDC states that “suicide is a serious health problem that can have long-lasting effects on individuals, families, and communities.” However, suicide is preventable. Individuals, families, and communities can educate themselves about suicide warning signs, learn about crisis intervention, and develop safety plans.
As September is National Suicide Prevention Month, we will provide you with a breakdown to educate yourself about what to do if someone you love is talking about suicide, along with additional suicide prevention resources.
Remember, if you or a loved one is in an immediate crisis, reach out to The 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by dialing 988 or text HOME to 741741, the Crisis Text Line.
What to Do if Someone You Love Talks about Suicide
Believe Them
When someone you love is talking about suicide or vaguely insinuating they wish to end their life, believe them. There is a misconception that when individuals talk about suicide, they do so to seek attention. Oftentimes, that may not be the case for many, and disregarding their statements invalidates their feelings and puts them into further distress. If they are not taken seriously, individuals will continue to keep quiet and suffer in silence.
So, what can you do instead? Believe them, validate their emotions, and express your valid concerns while avoiding a negative argument. For example, you can say one of the following:
- “I believe you. Can you tell me more about how you’re feeling? I can listen and help you seek help.”
- “I can see how your feelings are painful and difficult. You’re important to me, and I want to help. Can I help you find a therapist or someone who can help?
- “What’s causing you to feel the way you do? How can I help you?”
Lastly, don’t be afraid to ask them tough questions.
The Tough Questions to Ask
At times, it is challenging to determine if a person is only having suicidal thoughts or if they have a plan and means for a suicide attempt. Ask the tough questions to determine what action you need to take next. You can ask the following:
- “Are you thinking about ending your life?”
- “Do you have a plan?”
- “Do you already have the things you would use to end your life?”
- “Do you feel you could hurt yourself today?”
- “Are you afraid to be alone at the moment?”
- “Have you given any thought about when you would end your life?”
Asking these tough questions determines whether an individual needs immediate help. If they answer yes to these, do not leave them alone and escort them to the nearest mental health crisis center.
Remember that a suicide attempt is a medical emergency, and it requires immediate help. Call 911, the National Suicide Prevention Line at 988, a therapist, or a professional health care provider who has worked, or will work with the person.
Our team at the Alvarado Parkway Institute can help. You can reach our 24-hour crisis line at (619) 333-7050 for more information about our treatment programs.
Look For Warning Signs
Rather than being vocal or expressing themselves, there are some individuals whose body language and actions will inform others they are having suicidal thoughts. In that event, look for suicide warning signs, such as the following:
- Seeking access to dangerous means to end their life, such as weapons (guns, knives, etc.), pills, poisons, or any means that can be used in a suicide attempt.
- Unusual focus on death, such as dying, violence, or writing/reading stories about death.
- Getting affairs in order, such as making or updating a will, donating items or giving away possessions, and making arrangements for the immediate family.
- Saying their goodbyes. Oftentimes, individuals make unexpected calls or visits to say goodbye. Pay attention to body language and tone of voice. If any goodbyes or actions feel final, it may imply you won’t be able to see them again.
- Social isolation or withdrawal from others.
- Behaving in a self-destructive manner. For example, substance use abuse, such as drugs or alcohol, or taking unnecessary risks, such as reckless driving.
- A sudden sense of happiness after suffering for a long time. Oftentimes, this type of sudden change in feelings or behavior indicates a person decided to attempt suicide.
Help Them Create a Safety Plan
Help them create a safety plan to use during a crisis. A safety plan is a document an individual can prepare on their own or with the help of mental health professionals. The safety plan includes a prioritized list of coping strategies or a set of instructions and sources to use during a crisis. It helps an individual identify what leads them to their thoughts of suicide and the steps they can follow to de-escalate the situation and help them feel safe again.
Here is how to get started:
- Create a list of the warning signs and the types of circumstances, images, thoughts, or behaviors that may lead to suicidal thoughts.
- Create a list of coping strategies to help find ways to stay calm, such as breathing exercises, taking a walk, coloring, creating artwork, or practicing muscle relaxation techniques.
- Create a list of the reasons to live for with a main focus on the positives.
- Create a list of distractions to help keep the mind off any problems. It can be either people or places.
- Include contact information of trusted family or friends who can help during a crisis.
- Create a contact list of professional mental health support, such as a private therapist, urgent care, crisis team, or crisis center.
MySafetyPlan.org offers a downloadable safety plan template and an interactive one you can complete online. Your information will be secured and confidential.
Encourage Them to Seek Professional Help
Several private and government organizations have resources available to seek help during an immediate crisis.
- 911 + Emergency Room
- The 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: call the three-digit code 988
- Veterans Crisis Line: Call the three-digit code 988 and press 1, or send a text to 838255
- You can connect with a counselor 24/7 with The Trevor Project. You can text START to 678-678 or call 1-866-488-7386
- Trans Lifeline offers peer support in the US and Canada. For the US, call 877-565-8860 and CAN, 877-330-6366. Press 2 for a Spanish-speaking operator.
- Alvarado Parkway Institute: Call our 24/7 crisis line at 619-333-7050
Finding the right mental health support is key to preventing attempted suicide. Our team at the Alvarado Parkway Institute also offers a variety of mental health and intervention services. Our well-trained staff is ready to support and guide our patients out of a crisis. Don’t hesitate to contact us by calling our 24-hour inquiry line at 619-333-7050, or completing our contact form.
