Traditionally, the holiday season is a time to relax from our busy lives and enjoy making festive memories with cherished relatives. Although it can also be a stressful time of year, family bonds compel throngs of people to travel far and wide to be with their loved ones.
Yet with all the merriment, many find it necessary to brace themselves for coping through the holidays rather than enjoying them. Being surrounded by numerous relatives at once can be overwhelming for people with social anxiety. Many families also contain complex dynamics and old patterns that tend to resurface when everyone comes together. Furthermore, because each individual possesses their own opinions, beliefs, ideologies, and perspectives, there is a delicate balance between open conversation and keeping the peace.
The last thing anyone wants to feel during a celebratory occasion with loved ones is triggered, marginalized, or upset. Can it be helped when there are so many factors at play? While your holiday dinner may not play out like a Norman Rockwell painting, some advanced preparation can make a significant difference and maximize enjoyment for you and your whole family this holiday season.
Consider the environment where your holiday celebrations will take place. How your space is set up can make or break the event. We are going to take a look at how you can create safe spaces during the holidays to maintain a harmonious celebration even when inevitable disagreements and insensitive comments arise.
Designate A “Cool-Down” Room
The gathering will probably start on a positive note, with everyone excitedly greeting one another and happily embracing. When a passionate political discussion becomes heated, or your grandmother chastises your career choice, you can feel the tension in the room quickly rise. In another common scenario, things might actually be going well on the outside, but internal social anxiety can take hold.
We suggest preparing for these situations in advance with a “cool-down” room. This is a space you can go to if you become overwhelmed, need a breather, or a private area to regain your composure. Perhaps this room is a den, a TV room, or a spare bedroom. If nothing else, even an extended bathroom break can help you become centered. Designate a room in the house as your micro-vacation from all the commotion.
A cool-down room can help diffuse tense situations gracefully. There is nothing wrong with taking a little break from everyone. Rather than taking away from your precious little time with your family, look at it as a way to make the best of the time you spend together.
The space can be as simple as a clean, quiet area apart from the main gathering. Consider setting a calm atmosphere in the room with soft lighting, a soothing scent, and a family-friendly movie or music. You could also set out some simple activities to help clear the mind. Such activities could include a deck of cards, a book, magazines, or a sketch pad.
Anyone can be susceptible to overwhelming feelings or losing their cool at a family get-together. You never know if another relative might appreciate that you’ve planned ahead if they end up needing the space for a little while.
Establish Boundaries Around Triggering Topics
When you see your relatives after extended periods of time, it’s natural that everyone will want to catch up with you. That doesn’t mean you want to discuss every area of your life with anyone who asks. Take time beforehand to think about topics you might feel sensitive about or triggered by. Having boundaries around topics, you’re not willing to discuss is a healthy way to maintain your internal safe space.
Avoid bringing up topics that can lead to areas you don’t want to talk about. If you don’t want to defend your career choice or explain your relationship status, try to steer the conversation more neutrally. If your aunt wants to know why you’re still single, you can laugh and say, “That’s funny. Hey, Auntie, what good movies have you seen lately?” Changing the subject matter can be that simple. It’s much easier if you brainstorm some ideas for neutral topics in advance, so you are prepared when you need them rather than drawing a blank during the moment.
An easy fall-back solution is to ask someone how they are doing. People generally like having the opportunity to talk about themselves. Remember this if you need to wiggle out of an uncomfortable topic.
Establishing boundaries for yourself and brainstorming emotionally safe topics to discuss with your relatives is the best way to avoid getting anxious in conversation while also having more than the weather to talk about.
Make It an “Open House”
Another way to create a safe space for your party is to establish an “open house” environment. This way, your guests are not confined to one room, such as the living room or dining room, and everyone can have space to be comfortable.
Think about the different people who are coming. Are you expecting kids or babies? They are the first group you will want to prepare for. Providing a child-friendly space and a designated children’s table are among the top accommodations for younger relatives. Small children and babies will also benefit from a quiet space where they can feed, nap, have their diapers changed, and calm down if they get overstimulated. When these groups arrive, show them these special places you have prepared for them to use.
Also, give special consideration to the elders and anyone needing physical support. Guide them to the most comfortable seats and remember to ask them frequently if you can get them food or something to drink. When you make these small efforts to help others feel comfortable, you will not only help them to feel happy (and hopefully more pleasant), but you will also feel good in doing so.
An open house environment helps everyone spread out and enjoy more quality time in pairs or small groups rather than all together in one space. For example, to avoid the stress of everyone hanging out in the kitchen while the food is still being prepared, have some appetizers set out that people can eat. Keep drinks in a cooler out of the way as well, rather than in the fridge.
If the crowd is too big or loud to sit comfortably together around a dining table, it might be better to have multiple areas for seating. You can also prepare a few activities in different places to help guests spread out. Some ideas include a photo backdrop to take pictures together, setting out family photo albums for relatives to look at together, and setting up an arts and crafts station where hands and creative minds can stay occupied in a fun and memorable way.
Being Flexible With Expectations and Enjoying Meaningful Time Together
At the end of the day, family is family, and not something to take for granted. Every family has its own challenges, meaning it’s unrealistic to hope that everyone will see things the same way or not step on toes from time to time. Creating safe spaces and personal boundaries is an excellent strategy for handling uncomfortable moments as they arise. Being flexible with your expectations for yourself and your relatives at holiday gatherings is also wise. We hope this article helps you go into this holiday season ready to enjoy meaningful time together and be prepared with helpful ideas to keep tension, stress, and anxiety to a minimum. If the coming holiday season still has you struggling with anxiety, depression, addiction, or other mental health challenges, you are not alone. Alvarado Parkway Institute’s 24/7 Inquiry and Support line is here for you when you are going through a difficult time and need someone to talk with. Call 619-333-7050.
