For the one in five Americans who suffer from mental illness, dating can seem even harder than it usually is. Some mental illnesses make it difficult for people to feel comfortable going out and meeting new people. So, when a new relationship does start, it can be uncomfortable to divulge personal information about one’s mental illness.
This article will help provide ideas for how to approach the subject of mental illness with a new partner and how to explain personal situations in a way that makes them feel comfortable.
Understand your mental health condition
Before you share details about your mental health, you should understand your condition. Since everyone experiences some level of depression or anxiety, it’s important to be able to explain how the disorder is greater than simply feeling sad or worried. Understanding your condition will help you be able to clearly explain what it is and how it affects you.
Besides knowing the dictionary definition of your mental illness, you should also understand how it makes you react. If you know that a depressive episode makes you withdrawal from your normal activities, expect to share that with your partner. Or, if your anxiety results in panic attacks, prepare some ways they can help you through an attack.
Understanding your condition and how it makes you react will help you educate your partner on what they can expect from your mental illness in the relationship. Educating them can also create awareness over your stressors, so they never accidentally put you in a situation where you feel uncomfortable.
When should I tell my partner about my mental illness?
It is natural to feel nervous about sharing personal details with a new partner, especially when they aren’t always flattering. However, you can’t hide a mental illness forever. If you can control the situation in which you tell them, it can help you feel more reassured in confiding in them.
Remember that a relationship is about two people, not just you. Consider your relationship from their perspective. If they are truly going to care and support you, they need to know the realities of your mental health. If you are concerned about their reaction because of signals they’ve given about lack of acceptance, it may be a warning sign about the relationship in general. Before you tell your partner about your mental illness, make sure you feel confident in the relationship.
If you are nervous about disclosing your mental health, remember that many people with mental illnesses are in strong relationships. By sharing your mental illness with your partner, it can strengthen the relationship and make room for increased love and support.
The following sections can help you identify the “right” times to share information.
When you reach a serious stage
If you have been with your partner for a few months, if you are saying “I love you” frequently, or if you are regularly sleeping together, you may consider your relationship to be serious. Reaching a serious stage in your relationship assures that you are comfortable with your partner and are willing to sharing your feelings with them.
The benefit of waiting until you are seriously involved with your partner to share your mental health with them is that they probably already appreciate the personality qualities that have helped you live, despite you living with a mental illness. Being in a serious relationship may also help you have an idea as to how your partner will react to the news.
When you feel well
When you divulge your mental illness to a significant other, approach the topic when you are feeling well. Trying to explain your mental health when you are actively experiencing the effects of it may make it more difficult to articulate what the illness is and how it makes you react. If you wait to tell your partner when you feel well, you’ll feel more at ease and can pick a comfortable setting to talk.
The timing of telling your partner is important. You want to feel comfortable and help them feel comfortable too. It’s unfair to tell them about your mental health in an argument or as a bargaining chip to help you get your way.
When they ask
If you aren’t feeling well, it will likely be obvious to your partner that something is wrong. If they ask about your health or why you haven’t been present lately, it may be a good opportunity to tell them what’s going on. Being open and honest about your mental illness will encourage honesty around other topics in the relationship.
Whatever you do, you mustn’t lie. Lying about your mental illness can lead to negative consequences in the future, especially if you do share your mental condition with them later. If you don’t feel comfortable divulging your feelings when they ask, tell your partner that you have a problem, but that it isn’t the time or place to discuss it.
When you’re ready
Your mental health is your business, so it is completely up to you when and if you want to divulge information about your mental illness to your partner.
How can I explain my mental illness?
If you feel like you are ready to talk about your mental health with your partner but are still feeling unsure about how to approach the situation, try using some of these tactics.
Sandwich method
The sandwich method is using two forms of good news to sandwich the bad news. For example, you could start the conversation by saying something about how much you appreciate and love them. Then, you can move on to explain your mental illness. Once you are finished divulging your mental health, you can wrap up with more good news, like how you are receiving help or how you’ve treated it in the past.
Pause and ask questions
Another method you can use is to begin explaining your mental illness and pause and ask them questions. You can ask if they have any concerns so far, if they understand the illness, or if they’d like you to stop. Making room for questions helps your partner feel more comfortable asking you follow-up questions later. Plus, pausing helps them have a moment to take everything in.
Practice
If you are still nervous about confiding in your significant other, you can practice telling them with a friend, by yourself, or with your therapist. Practicing will allow you to prepare for different reactions and feel more comfortable explaining your mental illness in clear, understandable terms.
We at Alvarado Parkway Institute are committed to helping you gain control of your mental health and addictions. If you are experiencing a severe mental illness or substance abuse disorder, contact us to learn if our program is right for you.
